Every time I see a tub of blackberries in the store, I smile a little.
I recently confessed to R7 insiders about my first “stepmom” explosion many summers ago.
Our soon-to-be blended family of 7 faced cramming into a small two bedroom apartment.
So, just a couple months before the wedding I took matters into my own hands.
I purchased the entire apartment building. (If you hang around here much this doesn’t surprise you.)
We didn’t have a construction crew or a grand reveal. Our progress was made day by day, room by room, pouring sweat, blood, and tears into each project. By tearing down walls we turned 2 apartments into a 4 bedroom, 2 bath home that worked for us.
The air buzzed with excitement as we imagined a home for our new family. Armed with power tools and repurposed cabinets, I forged a bond with my daughters as we crafted our “new” kitchen.
The stained living room carpet was covered up with a Marketplace “found” rug. As I painted walls and tore up baseboards, the new siblings laughed, played and enjoyed the adventure.
The buzz came to a silent halt when I found the kids laughing on the living room rug devouring a sweet tub of juicy berries leaving a stain that would never come out.
A surge of exhaustion consumed me.
All I could see were the imperfections.
The weight of my emotions came flowing out of my mouth.
The sting of my words left them in shock.
Unintentionally I erected a divisive barrier in an “us against them” dynamic. With my own blonde haired, blue eyed son taking cover over on the side of his newfound siblings.
In that moment, my own insecurities and unrealistic expectations overpowered me. The notion that our home was not enough gnawed at me and one more blemish on a silly used rug became the breaking point. The words flew out and the pain showed on their trusting faces. I had blown it for sure.
I went for for a walk. Each step grounded me as feelings of anger and resentment gave way to humility and remorse. As my heart and steps both slowed, I knew what I needed to do. I found the kids gathered under a tree, listening to their father’s lecture about cutting me some slack. (Bless that man…)
Collapsing in the grass, I uttered two powerful words, “I’m sorry.”
Their forgiveness echoed through the air, “It’s okay, it’s okay. We love you!”
But deep within, I knew I needed to make a change. My outburst stemmed from a toxic combination of pride and irritation, fueled by unrealistic expectations.
Our kids have grown. We’ve navigated complex dynamics of being a step family. Yet, it was a simple carpet picnic, stained with blackberries, that serves as a powerful reminder to embrace authenticity and imperfection.
Whatever your hard place is this summer. We all have places in our lives that are asking for love and energy. Maybe you’ve already had many “blackberry moments…”
Honoring a house full of rowdy kids, devoting love to a struggling teenager, and overlooking messes was a hard calling. More than I could ever do with my own love and energy. Instead, God’s love began to cultivate sincere love (and patience) within me.
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
Romans 12:9
I hope you are patient with yourself this summer and that your summer is full of beautiful Do-Overs!!!
Be a Blessing!
Tenneil and the R7 family